my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
