I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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