guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
