he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
