Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
