I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
