so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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