she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
