My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
