i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
