I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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