my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
