just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Randomize
