I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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