My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
