Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
it's like heaven, but drunker
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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