Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
