Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
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