I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
