Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
