I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
