I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
