where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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