I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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