So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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