Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
