i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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