not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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