he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
