The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
