dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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