It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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