Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
