new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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