wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
