I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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