You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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