3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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