I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
