Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
