Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
