We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
