he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
