I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
