He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
