u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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