My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
