I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
