I wish my penis had an off switch
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
