I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
