I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Randomize
