also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
