I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
