Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
