my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
