I don't think brook has ever known best
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
