Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
