I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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