Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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