At least make sure they are 18
Why
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
